one sentence review: not bad … for a geek.

tech guys are usually terrible speakers (craiglist’s craig newmark spoke at berkeley last year. he purposefully did not write a speech, and surprise, sucked harder than anyone i’ve ever seen in the hundreds of commencement speeches i’ve watched), but at least larry page was adorable, talking about his father and the michigan legacy that he is (page graduated from the engineering school back in the day). i don’t think page has ever been known for his oratory skills, but at least he was coherent. resounding praise, i know.

nerd points if you know who this is.

A Rust Belt Oasis, the University of Michigan Is Spending Billions to Grow

to summarize:
1. the state says, oopsie, we’re in an economic state of depression.
2. the school says, eff that. we’re building the crap out of campus.
3. state says, we have no money to give you b/c we can barely collect income tax since more than 9.3% of people in the state no longer have income.
4. the market says, eff you all. i’m taking 30% of your endowment from July 1.
5. school says, whatever dude. we’ve got rich people who want their names on buildings.
6. school says, let my people build! children’s hospital, new dorm, b-school, and the big house, oh my!
7. student says, thank god the frieze building is gone.
8. student also says, didn’t they just update the biz school 4 years ago? again!? wtf.
9. nyt says, those crazy midwesterners, building in bust times. let’s write a story!

now you don’t have to read the nyt. you’re welcome.

we still love you, even though this relationship has grown abusive.

the actual big ten game to watch (sort of): penn state vs michigan state. much like the suckfest that was the notre dame/michigan game early this year, this is the “who can choke the least” game. penn state is better and is favored by 15.5 points, but, well IOWA. and michigan state … remember that notre dame game in 2006 where the irish were losing by 16 at the beginning of the 4th quarter. i remember when they scored that first comeback TD someone saying, “if notre dame wins, we’re all going to drink a pitcher of beer.” and then that’s really the last thing i remember.

anyway, this could be a blowout, but i just wanted to tell that story about the pitcher of beer. i’m so cool i drink beer.

1. this is walt (in yellow).

you may not know walt, but that knowledge isn’t necessary to find this photo hilarious. what you should know is that walt loves michigan football. he will not get married during football season for fear that one of his anniversaries in the future may fall on the same day as an important game. consequently, when michigan sucks at football, walt gets sad and sometimes drinks. when this happens, walt sometimes falls into lakes or wanders 2 miles to a kroger to get carpet cleaner at 4am. this weekend, walt sang songs (his own impromptu “songs”) featuring the names of past michigan football greats while freak dancing a dude in a robe. i’m pretty sure grinding a guy with bad hair in a robe on the street in the freezing cold is something that only happens in college. which is why i’m glad i’m out of college now.

2. another reason why sadness-induced drinking may not be the best idea: the guy who fell from a 2nd-floor foyer and spilled blood all over the floor outside the bar. all this happened while i was cluelessly sipping my delicious canadian brew inside mitch’s, but you know nothing good happened when the owner shoos you out 30 min before closing, the cops are wearing blue latex evidence gloves, and there is crime scene tape all around. the ann arbor news has the details:

A Birmingham man is in critical condition this morning at the University of Michigan Medical Center after falling from the second-story balcony of a downtown Ann Arbor bar while apparently attempting a stunt, police said.

The 30-year-old man suffered a fractured skull and other serious injuries after landing head-first on the concrete outside Mitch’s Place, 1220 S. University Ave. about 1:15 a.m. Sunday, Detective Sgt. Richard Kinsey said.

Witness reports indicate the man attempted to slide down the railing of a stairway from the balcony.

The first officers to arrive at the scene said a large crowd of people was surrounding the man, who was unresponsive and lying in a large pool of blood.
…
Police estimated he fell roughly 18 feet. They confirmed he had been drinking at the bar but are awaiting tests result to determine his level of intoxication. Kinsey said no foul play is suspected and the incident remains under investigation.

i’m hesitant to post this photo, but it’s almost 4am and my judgment sucks. in my infinite wisdom, i took a pic of the bloody scene and got thoroughly reamed out by the cops. i deserved it, but in my defense, i didn’t know what had happened at the time.

you can’t see much, but perhaps that’s for the better.

moral of the story? don’t drink so much. you might do stupid stuff.

if you let out a primal scream in your empty apartment, did it really exist?

not a bad weekend. i love america.

and if it’s possible you haven’t seen the video yet:

i’m still searching for video of the “cathy” segment in the middle of the weekend update. maybe even funnier than the palin/clinton opener. random and family guy-esque.

P.S. michael phelps sucked. besides all your fancy gold medals, you are a disgrace to the university of michigan. only slightly better than our special teams units.

my flag football team was destroyed
michigan was destroyed
russian plane crash
india bombed from the inside out
trains colliding
perhaps the largest govt takeover of a financial organization was initiated
another bank is about to go down

call me a crazy liberal, but i think this is all sarah palin’s fault. the timing is right.