Skunkgal - Too Much Skunk In Your Junk

this guy is in every tv show i watch

garret dillahunt. he definitely looks like a garret:

just this week, he was a batshit husband on lie to me and then a pedophile on law and order: SVU.

last year he was also the bad robot on terminator: sarah connor chronicles, a serial killer/mad scientist on criminal minds, and a russian mobster on life. plus, he’s slated for appearances on burn notice and white collar, a new edition to USA’s lineup of light but tasty shows.

he’s probably playing a super bad guy in those shows, too.

and another TV update: NCIS: Los Angeles is pretty terrible. i like my crime shows with a dose of neurosis and sexual tension. none of that b/w LL and chris odonnell.

very short tv review

best new shows:
glee: they’re actually singing!
the good wife: never a julianna marguellies fanatic, but she’s excellent in the show. plus, josh from sports night!
the vampire diaries: reminds me of buffy, but WHERE IS IT GOING? also, better than true blood. yeah i said it.
i also watch melrose place: i’m not really recommending it, but i feel the need to admit this out loud.

still watching:
bones, gossip girl, 90210 (with heavy emphasis on the fast-forward button), law and order, law and order SVU, criminal minds, lie to me, project runway, it’s always sunny, 30 rock, castle, and dollhouse.

i just added NCIS: los angeles b/c i’m oddly curious to watch chris odonnell and ll cool j catch criminals … no matter how boring the original NCIS is.

i’ve also heard good things about modern family but i just tried to tivo it and that time slot is already double booked. comedies get shafted by police procedurals any day.

law and order: jeff goldblum

um. they are firing vincent d’onofrio and kathryn erbe from law and order: criminal intent because they like goldblum’s more lighthearted style? are you serious? i was excited when they hired goldblum, but not anymore since he is TOTALLY STEALING THE SHOW AWAY AND DESTROYING IT.

i’m trying to think of the proper analogy here. it’s like the fun and charismatic obama stealing the democratic ticket from the old workhorse clinton. BUT THIS IS WORSE THAN THAT. b/c that was an actual competition. this feels like a coup. like goldblum swilled some scotch with dick wolf and was like, “you know that d’onofrio? kind of fat. kind of dour. i’m your guy,” as he cocked his head back and crossed his legs effeminately.

this is about as upset as i’ve been since monday when my fantasy team lost in a ridiculous comeback at the hands of ronnie brown and dallas clark. devastating. i am devastated.

the pacific

well this looks awesome:

this is the pacific ocean follow-up to band of brothers, the hbo WWII miniseries that literally changed the way i looked at life. vietnam was a big deal, but it wasn’t like this. around 2 million americans served in vietnam; 15 million served in wwII. i literally have not complained about the “plight” of my own generation ever since i saw this. when you think about what they went through 60-70 years ago, it’s almost embarrassing to feel sorry for yourself.

if you haven’t already, watch band of brothers. fall in love w/ damien lewis. watch this trailer. watch this miniseries when it comes out. i think i spotted chase from 24 and one of short-lived female detectives from law and order (the original) in the clip.

sweet find, mr. dailey.

murder in dc: this shit is crazy

washington post chronicles the extremely strange murder case of robert wone, who was killed while staying with friends in their dupont circle home. it’s a two-part series: part I, part II.

i’m spoiling the end here, but read the whole thing (especially if you like crime stories) because it’s ridiculous.

Page 12: “The evidence demonstrates that Robert Wone was restrained, incapacitated, sexually assaulted and murdered.”

Restrained . . . in a way that halted his breathing long enough to cause the petechial hemorrhages. The affidavit uses the example of an attacker “placing a pillow over” someone’s face.

Incapacitated . . . by an injection, while being restrained. To investigators, the clean wounds (which Goslinoski said had been “methodically” inflicted) indicated that Wone neither struggled nor flinched in pain during the stabbing, meaning he was unconscious or paralyzed. Questioned by detectives, Kathy Wone said her husband had no medical appointments in the days before Aug. 2 that might have accounted for the premortem needle marks on his body.

Injected with what? No lab finding so far. In court recently, Kirschner said toxicologists would soon conduct a final test, using up the one remaining milliliter of Wone’s blood. As for what they hoped to find, the prosecutor said: “It’s a little bit of a shot in the dark. . . . All of this is a little bit speculative, quite frankly.”

Sexually assaulted
. . . while incapacitated, before the stabbing.

As for the semen on and in Wone’s body being his own, Kirschner explained at a court hearing how investigators think the alleged assault occurred. “The government has now, courtesy of experts, learned a lot more about electro-ejaculation than frankly this counsel ever knew,” he said. “And there was, indeed, an electrocution unit in Mr. Ward’s bedroom that can produce electric ejaculation of a person who is under anesthetic or otherwise incapacitated.”

And murdered
. . . . after which came the alleged coverup, detailed in the affidavit and in a subsequent indictment charging the men with obstructing justice (punishable by up to 30 years in prison) and the lesser crimes of conspiracy and evidence-tampering.

The housemates, “individually and in combination,” washed the victim, cleaned the guest room and neatly remade the bed, the indictment alleges. Then they “placed the body of Robert Wone” atop the turned-down sheets and comforter.

i can’t wait to see the law and order episode based on this. what’s striking is that this murder occurred in august 2006, and they didn’t make an arrest until october 2008 (not even for murder, but rather obstruction). real life is so much more tedious than fake life.

F. YOU new york times

thanks for spoiling what i imagine is a pretty important scene from law and order, special victims unit by putting it as your front page story on nytimes.com one night after the finale aired.

bitches.

don’t you have real news to report?

tv update

been gone for many weeks and i’ve finally caught up with almost all my shows. still behind on kings and terminator.

1. finally watched the finale for friday night lights. i like to joke that i can gauge the quality of an FNL episode by how many times i cry. too bad the finale was just one long sustained cry for me, punctuated by commercials watched in superfast mode. the set up for next season is fantastic and really deals well with the whole “everyone is graduating” problem. grade: A.

2. word is that life is probably going to get canceled. that sucks. this is jay leno’s fault, for taking up all the 10pm spots on NBC. who wants talk show BS at 10pm? no one. and who wants it to be jay leno? idiots. life finale: A-; NBC decisions: F.

3. watched two episodes of southland and i was impressed enough by ben mckenzie, but i find the bleeped out swear words way too distracting. why write cuss words into the script, and then bleep them out? my working theory is that this show was made for a different network, perhaps cable or premium cable, but then got picked up by NBC, and had to be cleaned up. can anyone confirm or deny? show: B; script planning: D-.

4. law and order: criminal intent is back, with jeff goldblum playing a jollier version of vincent d’onofrio. i’m kind of annoyed w/ the eccentric male paired with the stone-faced female partner, but i forgive l&o b/c goldblum is so badass. i’d just like to see the flighty female lead detective with an uptight male partner at some point. it’s the scully/moulder dynamic, and i’m sick of it. d’onofrio: A- (for getting fat); goldblum: A; show: B+.

5. speaking of unhinged women, in plain sight is back. no one watches this show, but they should b/c fred weller’s character holds the whole ship together. weller: A+; show: B.

6. anyone watch my boys? i obviously can relate to the lead character’s mantourage, and the midwestern feel makes me wistful. i like talking cap and trade, but sometimes conversing about nothing is comforting, too. the midwest: A; show: B+.

7. bones is awesome, as usual. i hear bones and booth have sex in an upcoming episode. oddly, i’m not looking forward to that. show: A.

8. i got three episodes behind on 24, so instead of actually watching them, i read the great synopses on the FOX site. can’t beat plot descriptions like this: “She questions what he’s talking about. “You’ll find out,” he says mysteriously as he is led away.” why even watch tv? show: B; recaps: B+ (for time saved).

9. for some reason, i watch lie to me and criminal minds. these shows are mediocre, at best, yet i just wanted to put it out there if someone else had commentary. ::crickets:: both shows: B-.

10. i still watch reaper, but the show is starting to suck. i was definitely not into the whole subplot about the dude lusting after his FOB stepsister. just made me uncomfortable on so many levels. FOBs = uncomfortable. incest = uncomfortable. ick. subplot: D-; show: B-.

11. lastly, i’ve deleted heroes and 90210 from tivo completely. the episode of 90210 where annie is annoying as usual, silver screens a glorified sex tape then wants to burn down her teacher’s house, and naomi goes drag racing has “jump the shark” written all over it. then i heard tori spelling is planning an appearance, and i’m so out of there. heroes just kind of has sucked for a while.

and that’s it. expect more about kings and terminator later.

fall tv: the monday 8pm ultimate battle

starting this week, my life is basically over. between football and fall tv, i’m not sure how i’m actually going to hang out w/ real people. but onto the “reviews” and also some notes on tough decisions i’ll have to make.

the fall lineup organized itself into two basic categories: old shows that excite me, new shows that intrigue me.

shows like comfort food, except they make you kinda stupid, not fat:

gossip girl (cw, monday 8pm, already premiered): very ZOMG-worthy first two episodes for the 2nd season. and if you’re not already, like, totes obsessed, don’t let the subject matter fool you — this is a women’s empowerment tale. no waifish and talentless blonds were harmed when making this show.

bones (fox, wednesday 8pm, already premiered): this easily cracks my top 10 shows of all time, and i’m still catching up on old episodes in syndication. even awkwardly placed DC landmarks still bring a certain thrill. if you like quirk, this is good. if you like crime shows, also good. and the sexual tension b/w bones and booth is so friggin palpable i could lick it up.

terminator (fox, monday 8pm, already premiered): EXCELLENT season premiere. if you like shit blowing up and sloppy (yet effective) religious metaphors, you need to be watching this.

house (fox, tuesday 8pm, sept. 16): i watched last season’s finale and cried. a lot. this is particularly remarkable b/c i don’t watch the show at all. the finale was that good. this is low priority, but my interest is piqued.

it’s always sunny in philadelphia (fx, thursday 10pm, sept. 18): penguin, you’re so funny.

heroes (nbc, monday 9pm, sept. 22): the 2nd season was kind of bad, but i have faith it can redeem itself in the 3rd. as long as young spock has lots of screentime, we’ll be good.

law and order: svu (nbc, tuesday 10pm, sept. 23): no explanation necessary.

criminal minds (cbs, wednesday 9pm, sept. 24): i only started watching this b/c xander (from buffy) was on a couple episodes, but i like it anyway. i usually fastforward through 1/4 of it, so it’s a pretty quick hit.

chuck (nbc, monday 8pm, sept. 29): the first season was pretty good, but it’s a little zanier than my tastes usually run. moment of self-realization: i don’t really do zany. i think it’s why i don’t tend to watch comedies. EW says this season is way better, so i’m excited anyway.

life (nbc, friday 10pm, sept. 29): the guy from band of brothers is still cute (i think i said so last year), and this crime show is just different enough from all the others to justify its existence. also, dan and jenny’s very versatile mom is the lieutenant on the show.

pushing daisies (abc, wednesday 8pm, oct. 1): i was getting tired of this show by the end. nothing ever happened. but i’m all about second chances.

eli stone (abc, tuesday 10pm, oct. 14): this is a VERY zany show, yet i love it. there goes that theory. dear blog readers, will everyone please watch this show so it won’t get canceled?

30 rock (nbc, thursday 9:30pm, oct. 30): i’m so smart that i understand the jokes in 30 rock. yay me.

law and order: ci (usa, thursday 10pm, nov. 6): jeff goldblum fills in for chris noth. hopefully vincent d’inofrio gave birth to that gut he had last season.

new shows. **** for shows i really am truly excited about

raising the bar (tnt, monday 10pm, already premiered): zach morris has horrible long hair and is a public defender. this is an absolutely humorless show and has already been erased from my tivo. zach morris is way too self-righteous. HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF IRONY? and where’s your phone?

90210 (cw, tuesday 8pm, already premiered): i’m not that interested, but it has tristan wilds from the wire and that crazy biotch from nip/tuck. those two alone deserve at least one look into the show. i already missed the premiere, but i think i’ll be ok.

privileged (cw, tuesday 9pm, sept. 9): poor student tutors rich orphaned twins. hilarity ensues? i will watch the first couple episodes since it premieres so early (today), but if things get hectic, it’s out.

do not disturb (fox, wednesday 9:30, sept. 10): jerry oconnell and niecy nash run a hotel. i have a slight crush on niecy since i LOVE clean house, and i still remember when JO was on sliders. why don’t they make sweet tv like that anymore? this is a comedy, and i might not even watch it, but that combo is very very interesting.

easy money (cw, sunday 9pm, sept. 21): a hot adopted son looks for his real parents while helping run the family payday loan company. i will watch this b/c the lead guy used to be on roseanne.

valentine (cw, sunday 8pm, sept. 21): a family of greek gods help human soul mates find eachother. this could be really zany, which maybe is a bad thing. but points for creativity? 70% chance i check this out.

fringe **** (fox, tuesday 9pm, sept. 19): joshua jackson aka pacey goes all x-files on us and fights the supernatural. nice to see him doing something of note since dawson’s creek. better than marrying a crazy scientologist.

knight rider (nbc, wednesday 8pm, sept. 24): um. no.

the mentalist **** (cbs, tuesday 9pm, sept. 29): simon baker solves crimes. simon baker is hot. that’s all it takes, people.

life on mars **** (abc, thursday 10pm, oct. 9): cop time travels to the ’70s and must solve crime the old fashioned way. don’t know who the lead is, but lester from the wire and LISA BONET star. LISA BONET. i repeat, LISA BONET. she makes it an automatic must-watch.

kath & kim (nbc, thursday 8:30pm, oct. 9): i want to want to watch this, but i really really really don’t. shoutout to my fellow michigan wolverine selma blair, but i just don’t think i will be able to stomach this.

my own worst enemy (nbc, monday 10pm, oct. 13): christian slater is living a double life. hilarity ensues. remember when he was in bed of roses? yeah, me neither.

that’s around 16 shows i will definitely be watching, 6 i’ll likely check out, and 1 i’ve already dismissed. that’s so much tv, i kind of hope some of those shows get canceled.

if you look at the time slots, i’m also facing places where my tivo double tuner isn’t going to cut it.

tuesday at 9pm has the mentalist, fringe, and privileged competing for my attention. privileged is likely going to be shafted, mostly b/c it doesn’t seem to have any attractive men in it.

the REAL problem is monday at 8pm. here we have gossip girl, terminator, and chuck. ARGH. i think the solution will be to watch GG and terminator on tivo, and then chuck online. sorry chuck. that’s what you get for being ZANY.

one last thing about zaniness: what’s the diff b/w zany and quirky? i think the most important distinction is the reaction shot of the straight man or woman. a zany reaction to absurdity would be wide-eyed disbelief. the quirky response would be an annoyed eyeroll. and if you know anything about me, the eyeroll is a really important expressive tool of my own.

thanks to entertainment weekly for helping me write this blog post. it still took me forever, though.