Too Much Skunk In Your Junk » headlines

nyt makes pope headline hilarity

alison — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 15:13:55 +0000

what is this “tendency to molest children” nonsense? how do you find out someone has a tendency if he hasn’t already done it, thus making him a child molester already? is there some sort of preemptive personality quiz?
if you read the story, it becomes clear the headline writer was trying to make a distinction between pedophile priests and gay priests (little boys = really bad; men = ehhh, we’ll work on it later). the guy/gal who wrote this didn’t do a great job …

michael jackson is not a good person

alison — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 22:47:20 +0000

from the university of wisconsin’s daily cardinal:
Overhyped Thriller 25 stains pop king’s legend

the joke: i’m sorry, but i thought it was the pedophilia that did the staining. hiyo.

two cool cousins

alison — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 06:31:00 +0000

cousin mike sent me this gem of a video:

Funny Kid Isnt Sorry About Huge Party – Watch more free videos
the best part is this whole fight he has w/ the broadcaster about his glasses. i’m pretty sure she wants to stab herself in the face.

and lastly from cousin allen, a headline from yahoo health (not even some dinky school newspaper):
Dsylexia Can Be Overcome
and if you don’t find that mildly funny, then maybe you have dyslexia too.

an apropos typo

alison — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 15:31:00 +0000

from the university of alabama’s crimson white:

“Site offers cheapter textbooks”

desperately needed.

isn’t it ironic?

alison — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:28:00 +0000

a story about how it’s hard to find coca cola at ohio university b/c of the school’s pervasive pepsi contract has this headline:

It’s like 10,000 Pepsis when all you need is a Coke

just like the entirety of that alanis morissette song, it’s not actually ironic, but it’s still clever. kudos to whoever wrote it.

why words should not have genders

alison — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 15:58:00 +0000

this is what happens when you don’t force people to just speak american.

Latino/a Studies hopes prof will boost profile
Chicana/o students given scholarships

i mean really? do adjectives really need gender? it just causes confusion, gender defensiveness, and ugly headlines. “hispanic” might work, but that’s just a little too un-pc. no one wins in this situation.

how opportunistic!

alison — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 18:34:00 +0000

“Sorority uses pregnancy suit to raise money for local agency”

if anyone else thinks this is about a lawsuit somehow funding a good cause, then 1) you’re sick (like me) and 2) you’re wrong. click the link to find out what this is actually about …

small penises (libraries) and obvious statements

alison — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:21:00 +0000

a slow news day at virginia tech’s collegiate times results in this story.
Rumors of Newman’s small size exaggerated

they are actually talking about some library, but the caption on the photo reads: “Though smaller than other universities, Newman Library has several floors of bookshelves.”
this is a very similar metaphor to “it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean” or if you’d rather be blunt, “it’s ok to have a small penis.”

lastly, a headline from the daily nebraskan:
Research duo aims to find why young Nebraskans leave state
if you replace “nebraskans” with “michiganders,” you’d get the same answer: “stop wasting perfectly good research money.”

why i love USC

alison — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 14:52:00 +0000

no, i still hate matt leinert and think john david booty is pretentious for having three names. i’m talking about the university of south carolina, whose mascot is the gamecocks.

their school newspaper is the daily gamecock

when we lost to them in the NIT finals in 2006, the daily got to run the awesome headline “cockblocked”

and lastly, we see this gem of a headline from the university of georgia newspaper:

” ‘Cock grabbed on street corner prior to game”

and yes, i still giggle when the numbers “6″ and “9″ end up anywhere near each other.

can’t spell worth shit? neither can these newspaper editors

alison — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 06:08:00 +0000

at this moment, i’m introducing a new (hopefully recurring) feature on my blog. the theme will be ripping apart bad/misspelled headlines with impunity. this may be in some conflict with my *other* blog, but damned if i care. there are just too many gems in the world for me to pass up.

being a grammar/usage/spelling freak comes with its own set of perils. as a critic, i become easy target. that’s ok. i’m secure with my own masculinity. by being an utter bitch, i do not intend to cast myself as smarter, wittier, and better-looking than the rest, but rather i just speak objective truths of stupidity. if i commit one of these stupidities, then let me become victim of truth. yada yada, let’s get on with it.

and one last formality. for the stories with misspellings in headlines, there’s a decent chance that the mistake will eventually get fixed. if you click on a link and find no mistake, well, there was one. you’re just gonna have to trust me.

the first two i have aren’t GREAT, but we gotta start somewhere.

Student-friendly recipes for the kichen-impaired
you mean the spelling-impaired? hiyo

39 indie bands to play at local festival
no mistake. just sounds hellish. 39 too many