what is this “tendency to molest children” nonsense? how do you find out someone has a tendency if he hasn’t already done it, thus making him a child molester already? is there some sort of preemptive personality quiz?
if you read the story, it becomes clear the headline writer was trying to make a distinction between pedophile priests and gay priests (little boys = really bad; men = ehhh, we’ll work on it later). the guy/gal who wrote this didn’t do a great job …

from the university of wisconsin’s daily cardinal:
Overhyped Thriller 25 stains pop king’s legend

the joke: i’m sorry, but i thought it was the pedophilia that did the staining. hiyo.

cousin mike sent me this gem of a video:

Funny Kid Isnt Sorry About Huge Party – Watch more free videos
the best part is this whole fight he has w/ the broadcaster about his glasses. i’m pretty sure she wants to stab herself in the face.

and lastly from cousin allen, a headline from yahoo health (not even some dinky school newspaper):
Dsylexia Can Be Overcome
and if you don’t find that mildly funny, then maybe you have dyslexia too.

from the university of alabama’s crimson white:

“Site offers cheapter textbooks”

desperately needed.

a story about how it’s hard to find coca cola at ohio university b/c of the school’s pervasive pepsi contract has this headline:

It’s like 10,000 Pepsis when all you need is a Coke

just like the entirety of that alanis morissette song, it’s not actually ironic, but it’s still clever. kudos to whoever wrote it.

this is what happens when you don’t force people to just speak american.

Latino/a Studies hopes prof will boost profile
Chicana/o students given scholarships

i mean really? do adjectives really need gender? it just causes confusion, gender defensiveness, and ugly headlines. “hispanic” might work, but that’s just a little too un-pc. no one wins in this situation.

“Sorority uses pregnancy suit to raise money for local agency”

if anyone else thinks this is about a lawsuit somehow funding a good cause, then 1) you’re sick (like me) and 2) you’re wrong. click the link to find out what this is actually about …

a slow news day at virginia tech’s collegiate times results in this story.
Rumors of Newman’s small size exaggerated

they are actually talking about some library, but the caption on the photo reads: “Though smaller than other universities, Newman Library has several floors of bookshelves.”
this is a very similar metaphor to “it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean” or if you’d rather be blunt, “it’s ok to have a small penis.”

lastly, a headline from the daily nebraskan:
Research duo aims to find why young Nebraskans leave state
if you replace “nebraskans” with “michiganders,” you’d get the same answer: “stop wasting perfectly good research money.”