if i had them, he would have had mine.

here’s a classic pic but altered to reflect the times.

now we’re free!

(this one’s for you E.S.T. happy belated.)

i don’t know if you heard, but william clay ford sr. took my advice: millen is fired.

and so ends a historic era for the detroit lions. 31-84. the next one might not be much better, but it will be different. maybe.

all this millen firing news has me wistful for michigan and detroit. this photo is quintessential detroit. hyperbolic, desperate, self-aware, and unashamed. “unashamed?” you ask? of course the lions’ drafting and gameplay are shameful in a “what a shame” kind of way, but lions fans are never ashamed of that shame. those paper bags are a big middle finger to shame.

in the detroit sports family, the lions are like that sad but sweet thalidomide baby that you can’t be disappointed in. big brother red wings got that sports scholarship, the charming pistons just graduated from princeton, and the mercurial tigers found momentary local success playing bass guitar for that ironic hipster band. but for some reason, mommy and daddy love that retard flipper baby the most. pick up those legos? can’t. 3rd down with 7 yards to go? throw a 5-yard pass. yet for some reason, a week 2 loss to green bay hurts so much more than an NBA semifinal loss to the cavs. WHY? maybe lebron is just that good. i digress.

perhaps what makes us so special is how our love transcends skill or logic. we’re not the only city to adore our shitty team, but we do it in a special way. some cities are upset by failure b/c they feel entitled to success (looking at you eagles and red sox fans). others are frustrated because they are so close to being good. not only are we no where near competence, but we also don’t even think we deserve to win. don’t get me wrong, we really want to be .500. but deserve it? no.

the redskins have a similar complex, but let’s be honest, their mascot is really offensive and they don’t have an awesome fight song. welcome to 0 A.M. (after millen). forward down the field!

someone out there loves the lions right now, especially after that sweet game against the 49ers yesterday.

i’m sure the wiki entry will eventually go back to normal (maybe when we get to the playoffs?), but it’s fun while it lasts.

in other news, bill ford jr thinks his dad is senile. other people on wikipedia also do not like his dad so much.

i prefer to read that “loser” as more of a “LOOOOSAH” with my fingers shaped as an “L” on my forehead, as opposed to the objective fact that he loses a lot of games. at least michigan state beat notre dame this weekend.

tina fey was perfect, but so was poehler. i just wanted to be on the record saying that she got every bit of pro-clinton frustration right. without poehler and the underappreciated writing, i’d posit that fey’s palin wouldn’t have been nearly as effective.

and if it’s possible you haven’t seen the video yet:

i’m still searching for video of the “cathy” segment in the middle of the weekend update. maybe even funnier than the palin/clinton opener. random and family guy-esque.

P.S. michael phelps sucked. besides all your fancy gold medals, you are a disgrace to the university of michigan. only slightly better than our special teams units.

everything that went went wrong this week:

my flag football team was destroyed
michigan was destroyed
russian plane crash
india bombed from the inside out
trains colliding
perhaps the largest govt takeover of a financial organization was initiated
another bank is about to go down

call me a crazy liberal, but i think this is all sarah palin’s fault. the timing is right.

this pretty much sums it up:

i’m not trying to be melodramatic here, but this could be the worst michigan/ND game in history. i’m not sure if the two teams individually have ever been this bad at the same time.

here’s hoping michigan is the least worst team. hurruh!

dear kwame,

you have let me and the city of detroit down today. i thought you were tough; i thought you had resolve. instead, you fold when things get a little tough. i remember back when eliot spitzer got busted for that whole prostitution thing and he resigned a couple days after the story broke. i remember thinking, “kwame would never do that.” yet here we are.

the detroit spirit has completely abandoned your increasingly rotund body. you know exactly what i’m talking about. it’s the spirit that inspired your wife to beat that stripper in the mayoral mansion. the spirit that permeates through the detroit lions management and reaffirms their commitment to taking wide receivers in the first round of the draft. it’s the same spirit that allows the big three to give its collective middle finger to gas prices and say, “prius!?! hybrids are for pussies. here’s another F-150.”

so you’re going to jail, but do you really have to resign? i just thought you were better than that.

disappointed,
skunk

michigan’s “star” running back was caught DWI in grand rapids. he blew a .281, was passed out with the car in drive when the cops approached, and was about 9 miles wrong when explaining where he was. a map, courtesy of mr. dailey:

sean doesn’t think the map quite represents HOW WRONG grady was when trying to describe where he was, so i offer you this graphic:

other details from the police report:

• Grady was off-balance and unable to recite the alphabet, with officer Thompson quoting Grady as saying “O, R, S, J, L, P.”

• The officer said he asked for a number between 12 and 14, and Grady answered “15.”

• When asked whether Mickey Mouse is a dog or a cat, Grady answered “dog.”