Skunkgal - Too Much Skunk In Your Junk

detroit could lose a sports team? GAH

drew sharp is an idiot, but reading these words still makes my heart sink:

It wouldn’t be a surprise if Detroit loses at least one of its four professional sports teams within the next 10 years because ownership sells to an outside interest and the franchise moves to an area with a stronger economic base.

If you don’t think that’s possible, then you’re not looking at the current local economic situation with a realistic eye.

ok, but this is where sharp gets on the crazy train:

Detroit and Phoenix are the only two cities that support four professional sports teams in four separate facilities. That requires four teams capable of finding enough corporate backing for those all-important luxury suites in four different stadiums/arenas to keep the coffers filled without sharing the facility operational costs with another tenant.

That task becomes much tougher for teams in the aftermath of this economic crisis — especially in Detroit.

The idea of the NFL waiving television blackouts in Detroit has been nationally perceived as the equivalent of a government bailout. But the difference between Congress stepping in to assist the automotive industry and the Lions getting a break from the NFL is that there’s no competition for the NFL. It’s a monopoly. It possesses full marketing control and can dictate, without competitive challenge, the market price for its product.

That’s why it cannot turn a blind eye to what’s occurring in Detroit.

huh? i definitely don’t understand this analogy. blackouts exist to encourage people to go to games. how is lifting it like a bailout? the NFL is not taking its money and giving it to detroit, it’s just loosening a tactic used to create incentives to go to games. if your incentive isn’t working, then you might as well make money from tv advertising, right? and what does it being a monopoly have anything to do w/ anything? huh?

and here’s more nonsensity (yeah, i made up that word).

There’s an obvious reason why the NFL hasn’t gotten a new franchise in Los Angeles: It cannot guarantee sellouts in the country’s second-largest media market. The NFL’s primary business objective remains establishing a premium local value for tickets of home games.

Los Angeles residents have long understood that there’s more available to them on a sunny, warm fall Sunday than paying top dollar for an NFL football ticket.

Detroit residents may soon discover there’s more available to them on a cold, cloudy fall Sunday, too. That’s precisely why the NFL cannot afford to lose a Midwestern stalwart like Detroit.

are home game tickets really the main revenue source of the NFL? i can’t find the dollars for this, but it seems that advertising and licensing would be a huge deal, too. LA is a shitty sports town filled w/ transplants with no loyalty. what a horrible analogy. so the lions haven’t sold out some of their games this season. WE ARE 0-10 and have been horrible for YEARS. the fact we were selling out games at the beginning of the year is a testament to loyalty that i doubt even the NFL would ignore. detroit is such a homer town. if they can get their record up close to .500, every game would start to sell out again.

i also like this: “Detroit residents may soon discover there’s more available to them on a cold, cloudy fall Sunday, too.”

haha. um no, they won’t find jack shit.

drew sharp sucks.

michigan football and other ann arbor mishaps

i returned to the motherland this weekend in order to bolster the economy via my parents’ money. i did it the michigan way by overindulging in food and clothing, and even got to see some terrible football to boot — terrible football that inspires terrible drinking that causes terrible results. two cautionary tales:

1. this is walt (in yellow).

you may not know walt, but that knowledge isn’t necessary to find this photo hilarious. what you should know is that walt loves michigan football. he will not get married during football season for fear that one of his anniversaries in the future may fall on the same day as an important game. consequently, when michigan sucks at football, walt gets sad and sometimes drinks. when this happens, walt sometimes falls into lakes or wanders 2 miles to a kroger to get carpet cleaner at 4am. this weekend, walt sang songs (his own impromptu “songs”) featuring the names of past michigan football greats while freak dancing a dude in a robe. i’m pretty sure grinding a guy with bad hair in a robe on the street in the freezing cold is something that only happens in college. which is why i’m glad i’m out of college now.

2. another reason why sadness-induced drinking may not be the best idea: the guy who fell from a 2nd-floor foyer and spilled blood all over the floor outside the bar. all this happened while i was cluelessly sipping my delicious canadian brew inside mitch’s, but you know nothing good happened when the owner shoos you out 30 min before closing, the cops are wearing blue latex evidence gloves, and there is crime scene tape all around. the ann arbor news has the details:

A Birmingham man is in critical condition this morning at the University of Michigan Medical Center after falling from the second-story balcony of a downtown Ann Arbor bar while apparently attempting a stunt, police said.

The 30-year-old man suffered a fractured skull and other serious injuries after landing head-first on the concrete outside Mitch’s Place, 1220 S. University Ave. about 1:15 a.m. Sunday, Detective Sgt. Richard Kinsey said.

Witness reports indicate the man attempted to slide down the railing of a stairway from the balcony.

The first officers to arrive at the scene said a large crowd of people was surrounding the man, who was unresponsive and lying in a large pool of blood.

Police estimated he fell roughly 18 feet. They confirmed he had been drinking at the bar but are awaiting tests result to determine his level of intoxication. Kinsey said no foul play is suspected and the incident remains under investigation.

i’m hesitant to post this photo, but it’s almost 4am and my judgment sucks. in my infinite wisdom, i took a pic of the bloody scene and got thoroughly reamed out by the cops. i deserved it, but in my defense, i didn’t know what had happened at the time.

you can’t see much, but perhaps that’s for the better.

moral of the story? don’t drink so much. you might do stupid stuff.

USA! USA! USA!

michigan with a ridiculous win.
northwestern is #1 in the big ten. (WHAT?)
lions can’t lose this sunday (bye).

if you let out a primal scream in your empty apartment, did it really exist?

not a bad weekend. i love america.

millen had us by the balls

if i had them, he would have had mine.

here’s a classic pic but altered to reflect the times.

now we’re free!

(this one’s for you E.S.T. happy belated.)

i broke the camel’s back

i don’t know if you heard, but william clay ford sr. took my advice: millen is fired.

and so ends a historic era for the detroit lions. 31-84. the next one might not be much better, but it will be different. maybe.

all this millen firing news has me wistful for michigan and detroit. this photo is quintessential detroit. hyperbolic, desperate, self-aware, and unashamed. “unashamed?” you ask? of course the lions’ drafting and gameplay are shameful in a “what a shame” kind of way, but lions fans are never ashamed of that shame. those paper bags are a big middle finger to shame.

in the detroit sports family, the lions are like that sad but sweet thalidomide baby that you can’t be disappointed in. big brother red wings got that sports scholarship, the charming pistons just graduated from princeton, and the mercurial tigers found momentary local success playing bass guitar for that ironic hipster band. but for some reason, mommy and daddy love that retard flipper baby the most. pick up those legos? can’t. 3rd down with 7 yards to go? throw a 5-yard pass. yet for some reason, a week 2 loss to green bay hurts so much more than an NBA semifinal loss to the cavs. WHY? maybe lebron is just that good. i digress.

perhaps what makes us so special is how our love transcends skill or logic. we’re not the only city to adore our shitty team, but we do it in a special way. some cities are upset by failure b/c they feel entitled to success (looking at you eagles and red sox fans). others are frustrated because they are so close to being good. not only are we no where near competence, but we also don’t even think we deserve to win. don’t get me wrong, we really want to be .500. but deserve it? no.

the redskins have a similar complex, but let’s be honest, their mascot is really offensive and they don’t have an awesome fight song. welcome to 0 A.M. (after millen). forward down the field!

fire millen

someone out there loves the lions right now, especially after that sweet game against the 49ers yesterday.

i’m sure the wiki entry will eventually go back to normal (maybe when we get to the playoffs?), but it’s fun while it lasts.

in other news, bill ford jr thinks his dad is senile. other people on wikipedia also do not like his dad so much.

i prefer to read that “loser” as more of a “LOOOOSAH” with my fingers shaped as an “L” on my forehead, as opposed to the objective fact that he loses a lot of games. at least michigan state beat notre dame this weekend.

amy poehler was aight, too

tina fey was perfect, but so was poehler. i just wanted to be on the record saying that she got every bit of pro-clinton frustration right. without poehler and the underappreciated writing, i’d posit that fey’s palin wouldn’t have been nearly as effective.

and if it’s possible you haven’t seen the video yet:

i’m still searching for video of the “cathy” segment in the middle of the weekend update. maybe even funnier than the palin/clinton opener. random and family guy-esque.

P.S. michael phelps sucked. besides all your fancy gold medals, you are a disgrace to the university of michigan. only slightly better than our special teams units.

what is wrong w/ the world?

everything that went went wrong this week:

my flag football team was destroyed
michigan was destroyed
russian plane crash
india bombed from the inside out
trains colliding
perhaps the largest govt takeover of a financial organization was initiated
another bank is about to go down

call me a crazy liberal, but i think this is all sarah palin’s fault. the timing is right.