some highlights of the week and half past:

1. GM emerges out of bankruptcy: well that was fast.
2. palin resigns: well that was fast.
3. micheal jackson had a funeral: proving that LA and california are bankrupt, maybe morally but definitely financially.
4. marion barry got arrested for stalking his ex: he is batshit crazy and a disgrace, but we already knew that.
5. uighurs riot and kill in a western chinese province: most people still do not know who uighurs are, except maybe they can pronounce it now. or not.

Many English speakers pronounce it as /ˈwiː.ɡər/ but the pronunciation /ujˈɡur/ is closer to native

question, if “uighur” is pronounced “uj’gur” in the native tongue, why do english speakers pronounce it “wi:ger”, which is so much further from the phonetics? white people fail.
6. steve mcnair is killed: sad, but the whole 20yo mistress is kind of awkward. she can’t even legally drink.
7. al franken is now a US senator: officially making minnesota the most awesome state for politics ever. the body ftw!

that’s all i can remember right now. did i miss anything?

i think you’ve been drinking too much of rb kevin smith’s kool-aid, if you know what i mean.

my bold prediction: i am confident we will beat our record from last eyar.

quick rundown of where i’ve been since last thursday.

friday-sunday: in the west virginia mountains rafting and camping and watching rednecks arm wrestle.

sort of looks like a mullet under that cap, but i think it’s just a stately ponytail.

sunday-monday: in philly looking for an apartment. saw 12 places in 7 hours. holla. decided on the roosevelt, which hopefully does not have rats.

tuesday-wednesday: packing. my life = 15ish boxes.

thursday: flying to LAX, chillin/napping in LA, and then eating an overpriced dinner next to this guy:

apparently he’s famous from west wing, but i know him from sports night and as the rich AA member on in plain sight. omg LA is so coooool.

friday: rest in newport beach.

saturday-sunday: san diego to see andy.

first we played volleyball with random dudes whose names were — no joke — dash, boat, and brass. and if you weren’t sure of their names or maybe just forgot, no worries! they had them tattooed on their back, chest, neck, whatever.

then, keeping it classy, we did a pub crawl, which included a bar with a electronic bull. can’t say i’ve ever seen this before:

if you can’t tell, that dude is definitely sporting a mullet. recap: no mullets in west virginia; many mullets in san diego. who woulda thunk it.

after watching a bunch of dudes ride the bull, the entire crawl ended up at a swanky rooftop bar above the hard rock cafe, where we accidentally stumbled upon a san diego chargers birthday party featuring the ying yang twins. wait. what? so here we have 300 peeps in matching t-shirts feeling awfully uncomfortable next to football players and scantily clad women. i was wearing a short dress w/ some cleave hanging out, but compared to most of the women there, i was looking downright nun-like. then there were these dudes dancing furiously to techno:

today (monday, memorial day) was luckily a day of rest, and hopefully enough to recharge me for regular blogging from here on out.

skunk is back, hopefully with tales of southern california absurdities.

we still love you, even though this relationship has grown abusive.

12:40: game starts
12:42: 2nd play of the game. lions fumble the ball. yup.
12:44: titans long run leads to titans touchdown. we are one minute and 30 seconds into this game. good god.
12:45: awesome cadillac commercial w/ lt. daniels from the wire in it. best thing of the game so far.
12:47: titans kick. take a knee. only way we’re gonna get 20 yards in one play.
**note: nice neon blue throwback jerseys. i like your style.
12:52: calvin johnson is long lean and beautiful. jason hanson is bald, pasty but also beautiful. best long-range kicker ever. (lots of practice). score = 7-3.
12:53: brother changes the channel to the xmen movie. ian mckellen, take that stupid hat off.
12:58: ugh. 55-yard run. “virtually untouched.” are you people F’ING SERIOUS?
**note: kerry collins looks just like greg germann, a quintessential “that guy.” you might remember him from talladega nights.

1:08: detroit three and out leads to titans ball AGAIN. omg titans with 100 yards rushing already. 10 minutes into the game.
1:15: why do we even pretend we have an offensive line? god i feel bad for daunte culpepper. 17-yard int td. 21-3.
**note: when these announcers have to do cheesy promos for shitty shows, do you think they want to die inside every time? “people are under the spell of simon baker. he’s so dreamy.”
1:23: harris w/ the 13yard pooch punt. oh wait. we’re on our own 10. damnit.
4:30: uh. woke up from a nap. what happened?
the end.

the actual big ten game to watch (sort of): penn state vs michigan state. much like the suckfest that was the notre dame/michigan game early this year, this is the “who can choke the least” game. penn state is better and is favored by 15.5 points, but, well IOWA. and michigan state … remember that notre dame game in 2006 where the irish were losing by 16 at the beginning of the 4th quarter. i remember when they scored that first comeback TD someone saying, “if notre dame wins, we’re all going to drink a pitcher of beer.” and then that’s really the last thing i remember.

anyway, this could be a blowout, but i just wanted to tell that story about the pitcher of beer. i’m so cool i drink beer.

think about it. all the inside players know in advance what’s happening, and it’s only a surprise to the rest of us. people spend days/weeks obsessing over who is going to go where, and when they do get selected, it is scrutinized like crazy whether they’re the right pick. is rahm emanuel the jake long for nerds? and what about hillary clinton as a craftier matt ryan? they both went to boston-area colleges that aren’t harvard and were huge question marks for their respective positions/speculative future positions. if that’s the case, maybe hillary as sec state won’t be so bad.

i personally think this is the best analogy i’ve come up w/ yet.

It wouldn’t be a surprise if Detroit loses at least one of its four professional sports teams within the next 10 years because ownership sells to an outside interest and the franchise moves to an area with a stronger economic base.

If you don’t think that’s possible, then you’re not looking at the current local economic situation with a realistic eye.

ok, but this is where sharp gets on the crazy train:

Detroit and Phoenix are the only two cities that support four professional sports teams in four separate facilities. That requires four teams capable of finding enough corporate backing for those all-important luxury suites in four different stadiums/arenas to keep the coffers filled without sharing the facility operational costs with another tenant.

That task becomes much tougher for teams in the aftermath of this economic crisis — especially in Detroit.

The idea of the NFL waiving television blackouts in Detroit has been nationally perceived as the equivalent of a government bailout. But the difference between Congress stepping in to assist the automotive industry and the Lions getting a break from the NFL is that there’s no competition for the NFL. It’s a monopoly. It possesses full marketing control and can dictate, without competitive challenge, the market price for its product.

That’s why it cannot turn a blind eye to what’s occurring in Detroit.

huh? i definitely don’t understand this analogy. blackouts exist to encourage people to go to games. how is lifting it like a bailout? the NFL is not taking its money and giving it to detroit, it’s just loosening a tactic used to create incentives to go to games. if your incentive isn’t working, then you might as well make money from tv advertising, right? and what does it being a monopoly have anything to do w/ anything? huh?

and here’s more nonsensity (yeah, i made up that word).

There’s an obvious reason why the NFL hasn’t gotten a new franchise in Los Angeles: It cannot guarantee sellouts in the country’s second-largest media market. The NFL’s primary business objective remains establishing a premium local value for tickets of home games.

Los Angeles residents have long understood that there’s more available to them on a sunny, warm fall Sunday than paying top dollar for an NFL football ticket.

Detroit residents may soon discover there’s more available to them on a cold, cloudy fall Sunday, too. That’s precisely why the NFL cannot afford to lose a Midwestern stalwart like Detroit.

are home game tickets really the main revenue source of the NFL? i can’t find the dollars for this, but it seems that advertising and licensing would be a huge deal, too. LA is a shitty sports town filled w/ transplants with no loyalty. what a horrible analogy. so the lions haven’t sold out some of their games this season. WE ARE 0-10 and have been horrible for YEARS. the fact we were selling out games at the beginning of the year is a testament to loyalty that i doubt even the NFL would ignore. detroit is such a homer town. if they can get their record up close to .500, every game would start to sell out again.

i also like this: “Detroit residents may soon discover there’s more available to them on a cold, cloudy fall Sunday, too.”

haha. um no, they won’t find jack shit.

drew sharp sucks.

1. this is walt (in yellow).

you may not know walt, but that knowledge isn’t necessary to find this photo hilarious. what you should know is that walt loves michigan football. he will not get married during football season for fear that one of his anniversaries in the future may fall on the same day as an important game. consequently, when michigan sucks at football, walt gets sad and sometimes drinks. when this happens, walt sometimes falls into lakes or wanders 2 miles to a kroger to get carpet cleaner at 4am. this weekend, walt sang songs (his own impromptu “songs”) featuring the names of past michigan football greats while freak dancing a dude in a robe. i’m pretty sure grinding a guy with bad hair in a robe on the street in the freezing cold is something that only happens in college. which is why i’m glad i’m out of college now.

2. another reason why sadness-induced drinking may not be the best idea: the guy who fell from a 2nd-floor foyer and spilled blood all over the floor outside the bar. all this happened while i was cluelessly sipping my delicious canadian brew inside mitch’s, but you know nothing good happened when the owner shoos you out 30 min before closing, the cops are wearing blue latex evidence gloves, and there is crime scene tape all around. the ann arbor news has the details:

A Birmingham man is in critical condition this morning at the University of Michigan Medical Center after falling from the second-story balcony of a downtown Ann Arbor bar while apparently attempting a stunt, police said.

The 30-year-old man suffered a fractured skull and other serious injuries after landing head-first on the concrete outside Mitch’s Place, 1220 S. University Ave. about 1:15 a.m. Sunday, Detective Sgt. Richard Kinsey said.

Witness reports indicate the man attempted to slide down the railing of a stairway from the balcony.

The first officers to arrive at the scene said a large crowd of people was surrounding the man, who was unresponsive and lying in a large pool of blood.
…
Police estimated he fell roughly 18 feet. They confirmed he had been drinking at the bar but are awaiting tests result to determine his level of intoxication. Kinsey said no foul play is suspected and the incident remains under investigation.

i’m hesitant to post this photo, but it’s almost 4am and my judgment sucks. in my infinite wisdom, i took a pic of the bloody scene and got thoroughly reamed out by the cops. i deserved it, but in my defense, i didn’t know what had happened at the time.

you can’t see much, but perhaps that’s for the better.

moral of the story? don’t drink so much. you might do stupid stuff.