newport beach is pretty and all, but it’s nice to be back in dc where …

the plants are green
the girls are pale
the boys are flabby
the hours of happiness are intense
the food is greasy
and chipotle is the best “mexican” you can find.

i’ll miss it here.

obama is dumping the no child left behind name altogether.

“It’s like the new Coke. This is a rebranding effort,” said Joe Williams, executive director of Democrats for Education Reform. “The feng shui people believe you need to take the roof off buildings to allow bad chi to escape. Let’s hope this helps.”

wow. that’s a lot of analogies. it’s more like when coca cola stopped putting actual cocaine in their pop. coked-up coca cola had its run, then the government decided it was no good anymore and ditched it, just like NCLB. except the law isn’t awesome like i imagine cocaine-laced soda would be.

i’m spoiling the end here, but read the whole thing (especially if you like crime stories) because it’s ridiculous.

Page 12: “The evidence demonstrates that Robert Wone was restrained, incapacitated, sexually assaulted and murdered.”

Restrained . . . in a way that halted his breathing long enough to cause the petechial hemorrhages. The affidavit uses the example of an attacker “placing a pillow over” someone’s face.

Incapacitated . . . by an injection, while being restrained. To investigators, the clean wounds (which Goslinoski said had been “methodically” inflicted) indicated that Wone neither struggled nor flinched in pain during the stabbing, meaning he was unconscious or paralyzed. Questioned by detectives, Kathy Wone said her husband had no medical appointments in the days before Aug. 2 that might have accounted for the premortem needle marks on his body.

Injected with what? No lab finding so far. In court recently, Kirschner said toxicologists would soon conduct a final test, using up the one remaining milliliter of Wone’s blood. As for what they hoped to find, the prosecutor said: “It’s a little bit of a shot in the dark. . . . All of this is a little bit speculative, quite frankly.”

Sexually assaulted . . . while incapacitated, before the stabbing.

As for the semen on and in Wone’s body being his own, Kirschner explained at a court hearing how investigators think the alleged assault occurred. “The government has now, courtesy of experts, learned a lot more about electro-ejaculation than frankly this counsel ever knew,” he said. “And there was, indeed, an electrocution unit in Mr. Ward’s bedroom that can produce electric ejaculation of a person who is under anesthetic or otherwise incapacitated.”

And murdered. . . . after which came the alleged coverup, detailed in the affidavit and in a subsequent indictment charging the men with obstructing justice (punishable by up to 30 years in prison) and the lesser crimes of conspiracy and evidence-tampering.

The housemates, “individually and in combination,” washed the victim, cleaned the guest room and neatly remade the bed, the indictment alleges. Then they “placed the body of Robert Wone” atop the turned-down sheets and comforter.

i can’t wait to see the law and order episode based on this. what’s striking is that this murder occurred in august 2006, and they didn’t make an arrest until october 2008 (not even for murder, but rather obstruction). real life is so much more tedious than fake life.

however, weather.com has other plans and tells me that through the duration of my party we should expect a 30 percent chance of rain. this is terrible, mostly because 30 percent is probably the worst percentage of all. not high enough that i can be sure we should relocate, but not quite low enough to ignore its soggy portent.

even the icons are annoying:

rain? lightning? or maybe sunshine? can’t decide! like an agnostic often hears, MAKE UP YOUR MIND.

anti-globalization activists were in DC over the weekend, protesting the IMF and world bank, and being overall very annoying. they took out a PNC bank in my neighborhood. actually, that’s my bank, where i get shit done. i’m feeling territorial, and this annoys me greatly, plus being blanketly anti-globalization is stupid. don’t f w/ my bank.

also, this is an excellent quote from reason magazine:

Protesting the International Monetary Fund by smashing up and spray-painting a PNC bank and Wachovia branch in Logan Circle a mile and a half away is roughly akin to registering your dissatifaction with a New York Stock Exchange meeting on Wall Street by urinating on some Greenwich Village ATMs.

what were they doing in logan circle anyway?

the sign reads: “the door bell is out of order. please knock hard.”

this really isn’t that funny, but i like the thought of a jcrew-clad, well-heeled republican banging on this glass door. har har har.

the cast is as follows (how diverse!), from left to right:

cole hauser — i have no idea who this person is and nothing in imdb really jumps out at me.
teri polo — she’s been on EVERYTHING it seems, including the cover of playboy. for this reason it was very difficult to find a pic of her.
michael yang king — asian!
gina torres — a joss whedon favorite on both firefly and angel. she was also a female on 24, filling that archetype nicely.
eddie cibrian — he is very familiar to me, probably from third watch. sorry about the gratuitous shirtless pic, but whatever. my blog.

washington field looks pretty crappy when compared to body politic, granted they are nothing alike except that they are both based in dc.

UPDATE 1:51pm: more on the showrunners, from we love dc:

IMDB lists the series’ director as Jon Cassar, who has directed more episodes of 24 than any other director, so if we’re very lucky, the main characters won’t know where the Washington Field Office is either.

in addition to minka kelly and jason dohring, body politic will also feature brian austin green and gabrielle union. this basically guarantees my unwavering loyalty, no matter how godawful it is. i’ve been a big gabrielle union fan since the underappreciated classic bring it on (i’m also enjoying her turn on life), and brian austin green is so dreamy in terminator. if only this show can reach the heights of gossip girl, but i’m sure they’ll mangle government type stuff so badly it will be nearly unwatchable. nearly.

from tv guide:

The CW’s Body Politic is shaping up very nicely, with the addition of Brian Austin Green, Gabrielle Union and others to the Washington, D.C.-centric pilot’s growing ensemble.

Should Body Politic get ordered to series and Fox’s Terminator is unplugged, Green will play the “boy wonder” adviser to the president of the United States, says the Hollywood Reporter.

Union, in turn, will bring it on as BAG’s girlfriend, a legislative director.

Also feeling the CW’s Body are Jay Hernandez (Six Degrees), playing a naval officer, and Reaper’s Jenny Wade, as an idealistic D.C. up-and-comer.

so is brian austin green supposed to be like jon favreau? will there be hillary clinton cutouts on this show? as fake favreau’s gf, has gabrielle union ever appeared in maxim? oh wait, she has.

Subject: Notice on TV filming event

For the filming of a TV pilot, there will be a simulated explosion on Wednesday, March 25 between 9:30 a.m. and noon near Key Bridge in the District. The explosion will produce a 20 to 30′ fireball that will last for approximately 2 minutes.

Please pass along this information to others appropriate. The Department of Homeland Security and D.C. Police and Fire departments have been notified, along with the Washington Airports Authority. The Virginia State Patrol and Arlington Police Department will be contacted. If you have additional questions, contact Kathy Hollinger or Burt Warner with the DC Film Office at 202-727-6608.

The explosion will take place on the Potomac River just north of the Key Bridge and Jack’s Boathouse (K / Water Street, NW under the Whitehurst Freeway). In the scene to be filmed, there will be six (6) sculling boats on the Potomac River and one of them blows up.

CBS Paramount television is filming a pilot titled “Washington Field.” This is a new television series about the elite Washington field office of the FBI and a team of agents with exceptional and diverse skills who are called together for only the most critical cases.

Jeanne Saddler
Director, Office of Public Affairs
Metropolitan Washington

my favorite is the description of the show. b/c we all want to watch a “team of agents with mediocre and similar skills who are called together for everyday interstate theft and low-level racketeering cases.”

also, i’m annoyed it takes 3.5 hours to film a 2 minute bombing sequence. well that’s 3.5 hours i won’t be working …