if you put a piece of milk chocolate in your mouth and take a big swig of bad coffee, it almost tastes as if you’re drinking a gourmet mocha.

almost.

fat tuesday came and went, and i didn’t eat a paczki. tragic. i did, however, sneak some girl scout cookies from the library and ate a boatload of valentine’s day candy. heart-shaped jolly rancher lollipops thanks.

speaking of girl scout cookies, they’re in season right now, and i have to say that i’m pretty sure i have a rant in me about them, but i’m just not sure what it is. i think there are several factors, none of which alone really explains a general feeling of disdain for GS cookies.

1. i was a daisy and brownie in elementary school. i never made it to “girl scout” but i had to sell those cookies at some point. can’t believe i was in any girl scout-affiliated group? i was pretty bad at it. in fact, i was in the troop where a bunch of us accused one of the troop leaders of “doing coke” at camp. no matter that 3rd graders shouldn’t know what snorting coke looks like (it certainly does not look like a lady putting her contacts in. kids these days!) in any case, i guess we got in trouble. i don’t really remember since i try to repress all that.

2. they stopped selling those lemon creme sandwich cookies. i think they stopped selling them when i was middle school, but i’m still pissed about it. back in the day, they used to come in one box mixed w/ vanilla creme sandwich cookies, and i would suffer through the vanilla ones in order to maintain balance in the box. when they got rid of the lemon ones, i was basically devastated. the worst part is there is no copy cat. if samoas or thin mints went away, there are plenty of knockoffs at grocery stores. the lemon cookies don’t even have that.

last year, they brought them back in their own fancy box and called them “lemon chalet cremes.” they are now circular instead of rectangular, and i’m convinced you get less cookie than the box suggests. either way, i’m still bitter from the first time around. i don’t forgive or forget.

3. holy crap cookies are expensive. ok fine, it’s for girls to learn life skills and what not. how about this life skill: create a competitively priced product that doesn’t rely on sympathy for massive sales. and wtf, why is your mom/dad passing around a sheet in the office selling cookies for you? what kind of life lesson is that? i honestly refuse to buy from those sheets, but if i were to purchase cookies (lemon chalet cremes), i’d buy them from some girls who set up shop outside a store or on a corner. a+ for effort. i’ll buy 2 boxes if it’s cold outside.

4. for a while there, i boycotted the girl scouts b/c of the boy scouts’ antigay policies. then i did actual research, and found out the two groups aren’t really affiliated, and that the girl scouts don’t have a position on gay troop leaders. so now i can eat the cookies guilt-free. maybe not anger-free, but without shame.

i still think people get a little too excited about girl scout cookies when they’re being sold. they’re still too expensive and not that great. that being said, i’ll eat any cookie you put in front of me. and i’ll enjoy it. i’m so torn.

bought valentine’s day candy for 50% off. check out the one deformed nerd i found:

it wasn’t as delicious as they usually are, since the coating-to-tartness ratio was all out of wack.

meanwhile, the fortune cookie gods have a sense of humor:

“let the world be filled with tranquility and good will.”

if you know anything about my mood and temperament the past week or so, you’d know right away that i’m being mocked by what was likely a german proverb translated into chinese and then into english. bah. leave me alone.