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the myth: i hate animals

ok people, let’s get something straight: i do not hate animals.

in fact, i love animals: i love this giant rat, and this video could be the most incredible thing i’ve seen all year.

nature is amazing. it’s a snake giving birth to a hippo through its mouth. and don’t you imagine that snake seeing that carcass and thinking, “dude, i could totally eat that”? i do. animals are great.

cute cuddly pets, however, are not that great. this is where people get confused about my supposed hatred toward animals. “cute” animals get a disproportionate amount of love and adoration. i believe in attention redistribution and go out of my way to love reptiles and rodents and shun cats, dogs, and hampsters.

i am an animal socialist, and the oversentimental, antipragmatic response to furry pets makes me want to overreact and dislike them. perhaps that is hysterical and reactionary in and of itself, but, then again, i did just hate on girl scout cookies two posts ago. this should surprise no one.

12 Responses to “ the myth: i hate animals ”

  1. allen said:

    Kylie thought this was pretty cool. She kept saying, “I love animals! It’s pretty!”

  2. Emily said:

    Ok look. Whats wrong with cute cuddly animals? I LOVE ALL animals. Cute or ugly. So you say that you love animals but you aren’t a true animal lover like me unless you love ALL animals. You should know that even non-cute animals aren’t the only ones mistreated. Cuddly ones are too. I bet you wouldn’t even care if a dog, cat, hamster, ect. was about to get hit by a car. You wouldn’t help it. I would help any animal. Cute or ugly I love ALL animals unlike you.

  3. Bob said:

    HEY!!!! YOU THINK CUTE ANIMALS SUCK!!!??? WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU??? YOU ARE AN ANIMAL HATER!!!!

  4. carly said:

    Uhhhhhh. Ok look. If you dont like animals i dont like you. End of story you animal hater.

  5. MIKE said:

    I dont like u. you think cute animals are bad. wow.

  6. Lilly said:

    Hi. I totally agree with you. Cute animals to get too much attention. But I see one problem. You say u love animals. i belive u its just that i wouldn’t shun cute animals. Give all animals an equal amount of love. its not their fault that their cute.

  7. Too Much Skunk In Your Junk » faith in humanity at an all-time low said:

    […] the myth: i hate animals # Emily said: May 8th, 2009 at 8:48 am edit […]

  8. Jessica said:

    what the hell? why dont u like animals? WHAT THE HELL?

  9. Emily said:

    whats wrong with u? Mistreating some animals just cuz they are cute? Its not their fault that they are cute. Stop being a jerk and love ALL animals.

  10. Kate said:

    why dont u like cute animals? I do. I have 3 dogs, 2 cats, 1 bunny, and 2 hamsters. i love all of them. dont hate animals just because they are cute. Give all animals equal amounts of love.

  11. kelly said:

    CUTE ANIMALS ARE ANIMALS TOO! DONT GO AROUND HATING THEM!!! I BET U WOULD KILL ALL CUTE ANIMALS IF U HAD TO! I BET YOU WUOLD ENJOY IT!!!! U R SO MEAN TO CUTE ANIMALS!!

  12. stanley said:

    U ROCK!!! I AGREE WITH U 100 PERCENT!!!

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