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fat tuesday, and other things that are horrible for you

fat tuesday came and went, and i didn’t eat a paczki. tragic. i did, however, sneak some girl scout cookies from the library and ate a boatload of valentine’s day candy. heart-shaped jolly rancher lollipops thanks.

speaking of girl scout cookies, they’re in season right now, and i have to say that i’m pretty sure i have a rant in me about them, but i’m just not sure what it is. i think there are several factors, none of which alone really explains a general feeling of disdain for GS cookies.

1. i was a daisy and brownie in elementary school. i never made it to “girl scout” but i had to sell those cookies at some point. can’t believe i was in any girl scout-affiliated group? i was pretty bad at it. in fact, i was in the troop where a bunch of us accused one of the troop leaders of “doing coke” at camp. no matter that 3rd graders shouldn’t know what snorting coke looks like (it certainly does not look like a lady putting her contacts in. kids these days!) in any case, i guess we got in trouble. i don’t really remember since i try to repress all that.

2. they stopped selling those lemon creme sandwich cookies. i think they stopped selling them when i was middle school, but i’m still pissed about it. back in the day, they used to come in one box mixed w/ vanilla creme sandwich cookies, and i would suffer through the vanilla ones in order to maintain balance in the box. when they got rid of the lemon ones, i was basically devastated. the worst part is there is no copy cat. if samoas or thin mints went away, there are plenty of knockoffs at grocery stores. the lemon cookies don’t even have that.

last year, they brought them back in their own fancy box and called them “lemon chalet cremes.” they are now circular instead of rectangular, and i’m convinced you get less cookie than the box suggests. either way, i’m still bitter from the first time around. i don’t forgive or forget.

3. holy crap cookies are expensive. ok fine, it’s for girls to learn life skills and what not. how about this life skill: create a competitively priced product that doesn’t rely on sympathy for massive sales. and wtf, why is your mom/dad passing around a sheet in the office selling cookies for you? what kind of life lesson is that? i honestly refuse to buy from those sheets, but if i were to purchase cookies (lemon chalet cremes), i’d buy them from some girls who set up shop outside a store or on a corner. a+ for effort. i’ll buy 2 boxes if it’s cold outside.

4. for a while there, i boycotted the girl scouts b/c of the boy scouts’ antigay policies. then i did actual research, and found out the two groups aren’t really affiliated, and that the girl scouts don’t have a position on gay troop leaders. so now i can eat the cookies guilt-free. maybe not anger-free, but without shame.

i still think people get a little too excited about girl scout cookies when they’re being sold. they’re still too expensive and not that great. that being said, i’ll eat any cookie you put in front of me. and i’ll enjoy it. i’m so torn.

13 Responses to “ fat tuesday, and other things that are horrible for you ”

  1. allen said:

    In the interest of full disclosure, I’m just a little biased because Madison is selling GS cookies this year and Tiffany is actually coordinating the sales for her troop…

    That’s funny, I don’t remember you being affiliated with GS growing up…

    I don’t recall the original lemon cookies, but the new lemon chalet cremes are very good! They are actually my second favorite, next to the thin mints. I will have to disagree with you on GS cookies not being that great — I can eat a whole sleeve of GS thin mint cookies in one sitting, especially if they’re frozen!

    I always did feel guilty about passing sheets around the office selling stuff. I thought it was bad office etiquette, and possibly an inappropriate use of my “clout,” whatever that is. And by the way, if someone could tell me where I could find this “clout,” I’d love to know!

    I’m with you on the use of sympathy tactics, though. We don’t use them, personally, and we don’t participate in our school fundraisers because they’re so aggressive in their use of sympathy tactics. I mean, they might as well be saying “if you don’t support our school by buying frozen pizzas for $10 each, the terrorists win, and don’t blame us if your kid is stuck flipping burgers for the rest of her life!” Nope. Our selling tactics are simple: GS cookies are da bomb!

    Tangentially re: 4, I always thought it was interesting that years after I was done with Cub Scouts, I discovered that belief in God was a prerequisite for being a Cub Scout. At the time, I was an atheist. How did I say the Cub Scout promise (“…to do my duty to God…”) with integrity? I didn’t believe in God, so I simply substituted “myself” for “God.” Because, in my fourth-grade mind, the two terms were equivalent.

  2. jina said:

    ok, i just laughed outloud, alone, at my desk. i totally forgot about us accusing a certain leader of doing crack. what the hell? who were we? i’m pretty sure you, me, and nicole were always beyond our time.

  3. alison said:

    maybe “not that great” is a bit strong. i definitely enjoy them, but they are by no means the gold standard of cookies. i’m more of a salty/savory snack girl, anyway, and would rather waste my calories on a giant bowl of buttered popcorn. wow i want that right now.

  4. allen said:

    First, for some reason the “name” field on was prepopulated with “Ratt Stink.”

    Second, I agree with you, salty/savoury snacks are much better! But as far as cookies go, I like GS cookies the best. Those, and Oreos.

  5. alison said:

    wtf. the prepopulated problem happened to someone else too. what’s going on?

  6. N. Schwab said:

    A rant on Girl Scout cookies? Is nothing sacred?

  7. Mike said:

    Girl Scout cookies are awsome, but they are too expensive. I usually buy them if someone slings them on the streets. Whether it be at my door or on the corner…so I agree with you on that note. And yeah, thin mints frozen are even better!!! And how did you girls know what snorting thunder was in 3rd grade?????? It wasn’t until I was in like 5 grade that I pretended to snort pixie sticks…

  8. Maggie said:

    My grandmother kept baking soda in the cigarette disposal tray in her car. I thought it was cocaine, but I never said anything.

  9. Jess said:

    More RATT STINK?!?!?!?! Did somebody program that in? Who runs this shit show?

  10. Laura said:

    So… first off, lemon creme cookies? Really? That’s horrible. How one could possibly prefer lemon over vanilla is beyond me. I presume you like lemon-filled doughnuts too..? Second, girl scout cookies are absolutely over-rated. I think it must have something to do with not having to go to the grocery store to get them. In a blind taste test, I think Keebler Grasshoppers would stand a chance against thin mints… just saying.

  11. jina said:

    whatever, loo.

  12. alison said:

    i like chocolate-covered with rainbow sprinkles.

    laura, obviously you are racist against asians. lemon is just too exotic for you.

  13. Dru said:

    Reminds me of what Ed Stetzer says to do in Simple Church break down what you want to do in three steps. See how everything you do fits into one of those steps, and if somnehitg doesn’t fit, drop it. Simple church.I think that book will stick with me for a long time.

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