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11 easy steps to being kwame kilpatrick

1. you become the mayor.
2. you cheat on your hot wife (left) to have an affair with your chief of staff.
3. you pay off bodyguards to cover it up.
4. in unrelated shadiness, you fire someone, but keep it all hush hush.
5. you voluminously text sexy messages with aforementioned chief of staff, along with proof that you perjured yourself — but do it with city electronics. all that convo gets recorded in the process.
6. the local newspaper nails your ass with a career-ending exposé using those not-so-secret text messages.
7. like a real man, you don’t resign (spitzer who?)
8. you claim racism.
9. to really piss everyone off, you enact “policy to limit access to the city’s text messages.”
10. you remain mayor long enough for people to forget why you were so crappy.
11. you become the stuff of legend.

UPDATE (5/19): for more on kwame’s legacy, check out the recently departed barber college, which likely was a subconscious inspiration.

2 Responses to “ 11 easy steps to being kwame kilpatrick ”

  1. allen said:

    Awesome, especially step 9. Kwame Kilpatrick is pimp!

  2. Coop said:

    Step 3.5: Buy Escalades with city money to every brother, cousin, and casual acquaintance you know. Oh, and blame the racist white suburbs for every problem Detroit has.

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