Archive for October, 2006

when i think “miami hurricanes football,” rarely do “clean” or “respectable” come to mind.

yesterday’s brawl, chockful of kicking, helmet hurling and takedowns, is further proof. add on the whole 7th Floor Crew scandal, and them not being especially good, i’d say they have a problem.

i’ve figured out what that problem is, and it’s been staring everyone in the face: their coach’s name is Larry COKER. hello! what do you think he does in his spare time? the name is practically mocking his players, goading them to do naughty things.

the solution: rename himself “larry anti-sanctions.” or at least change it to something more trendy. larry crystal meth-er.

does it bother anyone else that in the “status” option of facebook you have to write a sentence that starts with “Alison is” or whatever your name is. what if “is” isn’t the verb i want? what if i “want” or “like” something? facebook, take these shackles off!

i watched HBO’s “Rome” with my dad last night, and i have to say that the scene (scenes) with the naked girl riding on top of the naked guy screaming and moaning and bouncing all over the place made me squirm a little. don’t get me wrong, i like my sex scenes just fine, but with my dad? ugh.

but everyone has that movie moment with their parents that they wish they could take back. or maybe several. the first one i remember was watching waterworld when i was 11. i don’t even think there was sex, just a naked chick. i remember wanting to run and hide. maybe it was my subconscious telling me that it was a god-awful movie. i was just too young to know it at the time.

word is, i used to copy edit things, and was pretty good at it. and now, i rant.

founder means: to fall or sink down, as buildings, ground, etc. OR to become wrecked; fail utterly:
on the other hand, flounder means: to struggle clumsily or helplessly

see the difference? the two are mercilessly interchanged, and it needs to stop.

perhaps the reason this mix up especially bothers me is that whoever says these words is clearly trying to show off and sound smart, when in fact, he is an idiot. sure, mixing up that/which is annoying. however, it is SO pretentious and almost always unnecessary to say flounder/founder.

now, i will nonsensically use the words in a sentence. notice the nuance infused in my adverbial choices. also, “adverbial” might not actually be a word.
so as these morons flounder pathetically and founder miserably in their attempt to feign intelligence, i deem myself founder of the flounder appreciation society. eat up!

a quick question:

why has a story on elephant aggression been one of the top e-mailed stories on the new york times website for the past couple days? do people really care about elephants that much? i mean, i understood that one “shamu saved my marriage” article holding the world record for this because 1. it was short, and 2. it was about people and their emotions … but this is seriously about elephants and poaching and who knows b/c it is too friggin ridiculously long to read. 10 pages! wtf! elephants!

remember when leonardo dicaprio was the ultimate teenbop coverboy?

romeo? jack dawson? no longer.
fastforward 10 years (10 years!) to the departed and cutie leo oozes brooding machismo, which is so much better than iambic pentameter. the departed has made me a leo believer.
now i understand why giselle is banging him.
is that vulgar?

not to mention the movie is friggin great. based in bahston. makes me almost nostalgic. almost.

if you’re some people, you become a “LifeGem.”

according to the website, “The LifeGem is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.”

basically, they cremate you, extract the carbon from the ashes, put the carbon under super high pressure for a couple days, form a diamond, slap some princess cut on it, set it, and hang it on a pendant. now your loved ones can wear you on their neck for the rest of their lives. and if you don’t like that drab yellow color that humans apparently create, you can splash some boron into the mix and turn it blue. oh the fun!

i might like this one.
then again, it could never poop, pee, scratch, shed or spit up furballs. it would also be nice if it showered often and wiped its feet at the door.