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Archive for September, 2006

HP chairman steps down after fashion faux pas

who cares if she spied on her board and may have sanctioned illegal activities. those socks are pretty illegal too.
wow.

chasing/vandalizing cars

my whole world has been rocked by a revelation from ben.
Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars” is about a DOG. think about it. only dogs chase cars.
i really really liked this song. it made me all wistful. but now, i can only think of dogs, and i really don’t like dogs.

if you don’t believe me, check out these lyrics:

“If I lay here/If I just lay here/Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
you have to imagine a big golden retriever all nuzzled with its owner

“I don’t quite know/How to say/How I feel”
that’s because you don’t speak dog.

“Forget what we’re told/Before we get too old/Show me a garden that’s bursting into life”
of course he’s worried about getting old. dog years! and that garden is where poochie buried his bone.

on an unrelated note, but oddly related, here’s a little story from “the mall adventures of ali”

i was parked in a typical suburban parking lot. i get back to the car, and this dumbass odyssey is parked with its front fender facing mine (nothing unusual). until you get closer and realize that the fender isn’t just facing, but it’s touching.

for some reason, this INFURIATED me. i mean, if you’re a bad enough driver that you’re going to hit my car while going FORWARD, then you can at least back up 2 inches to pretend you didn’t hit my car. not surprisingly, this woman had huge scrape marks on both sides of her front fender, as if she clipped a couple cars (i repeat, ON BOTH SIDES) while trying to get out of a parking spot.

now you’ll notice that i’ve already determined that the driver of this minivan is a woman. i’ll say it, only a woman could do this much damage to her car, and only a woman would bump fenders and NOT move back. she probably didn’t even know.

but the REAL point of this story is to tell you how hilarious i am. b/c instead of just shrugging it off (remember, i was infuriated), i wrote a friendly note and left it on her windshield. it went something like this:

“wow. you must be the worst driver ever. thanks for the tap on my front bumper. p.s. nice work on the sides of your fender. bitch.”

ok, so i didn’t actually write “bitch” b/c i was worried it was an old chinese lady (which was likely). but in some ways, i really wish i did.,

did i watch heroes?

the short answer: no.

it looked too much like x-men or the 4400, and i didn’t really have the patience for more of that. plus i hate ali larter, she’s one of those girls that guys think is really hot, but if you ask me, she has the potential t get really fat in ugly in a couple years. i’m not sure who else quualifies in this category, but it now exists b/c of ali larter.

i did, however, catch bits and pieces of the premiere and an extended preview of the show. it’s not what i thought, and i totally dig the comic book coming to life theme. like the upcoming movie with will ferrell having his life narrated by a book emma thompson is writing.

as for the 2nd ep. of studio 60, one huge problem was that closing scene that was supposed to be really really funny and save the show from oblivion … wasn’t funny at all.

in other news, i have a new goal to read at least 6 magazines a day. i have a HUGE backlog of newsweek, EW, popular science, glamour, lucky, cosmo, smithsonian and etc mostly starting in april ’06, but i even found a newsweek from august 05. it makes reading much faster when you already know how everything turns out. imagine that.

las vegas

b/c i haven’t heard anything from aspen, STILL, i’ve started looking at other job postings. las vegas magazine is looking for an editorial assistant, which could work out.

as research, i’ve started watching the TV show Las Vegas. Josh Duhammel is, like, so yummy.

next up, showgirls (the whole, uncensored version!) and world series of poker marathon. don’t they have that on DVD now? and was striptease based in vegas? i never bothered watching it b/c i always assumed it was the poor man’s showgirls. jessie spano always has my heart.

fall TV review

watched a couple premieres this week.

1. law and order: SVU – pretty psyched to see Star back, but i hate when elliot and olivia aren’t together. the chemistry is what makes the show, and it’s not even sexual. not really, anyway. plus, so not enough of richard belzer and ice-t. the angry jew and angry black man should get as much airtime as possible.

2. law and order: CI – i LOVE when cops go apeshit over bad stuff happening to their partner. and i generally love when goren goes apeshit. so when eames gets kidnapped and goren totally loses it, i’m in criminal intent heaven.

3. studio 60 on the sunset strip – typical sorkin so far, which is always good. familiar faces (felicity huffman!) don’t hurt either. unfortunately/fortunately, matthew perry is still chandler, even though entertainment weekly said he was trying really hard to change it up. he is failing miserably.

4. random sitcoms i’ve seen – dude, the people from freaks and geeks are everywhere. nick is in how i met your mother, and the butch, blonde chick is now playing some ditzy girl on some terrible show. it was so terrible i didn’t bother looking it up. whatever happened to linda?

5. kidnapped – so formulaic. they just needed to cue the cheesy three doors down song and call it a night. oh wait, did that already. the part that did pique my interest was leo, the son, and whatever he’s doing when in captivity. i kind of hope he gets stockholm syndrome, identifies w/ his kidnapper, and then they make out. or however that works.

expect a very excited review of veronica mars on tuesday. I’M SO FRIGGIN EXCITED. the CW rocks my world.

Band of Brothers has changed my life

background: a 10-hour HBO miniseries on a unit of soldiers in WWII europe.

here’s why my life will never be the same (and some of these ideas are cribbed from ben, my partner in dvd-watching crime).

1. i refuse to feel pain anymore – whether i get stub my toe or get smacked in the face, that discomfort can’t compare to having your leg severed by artillery or having your whole face burned off by an exploding grenade. add the schrapnel and gunshot wounds – and the fact that most of these men dragged themselves to the medic afterward – i’m going to cut down on the complaining.

2. my life is so small and meaningless – difficult to explain, but basically, the moral of the story is that in war, you’re already dead. if you survive, that’s just a little bonus. besides, what these guys did, save the free world and all that jive, makes me feel pretty guilty.

3. i am 22, and am worthless – by the time these soldiers were 22, they’d killed more men than i’ve killed spiders. don’t even get me started on how my life is going nowhere right now.

4. i don’t know friendship – war creates ridiculous bonds. the closest i’ve come to war is daily elections, maybe jennifer clayton. i’m gonna go out on a limb and say those bonds formed don’t really compare.

i’m done. this blog isn’t really funny, so i’m going to stop. this is as close to introspective as you’re gonna get.

the pluto conspiracy

it all makes sense now. the textbook makers totally set this whole “not a planet” thing up so they can force schools to buy new books for the students. obviously, this is to the disadvantage to the poorer, “more urban” schools, aka, it really affects black people, who will forever think pluto is in fact a planet. pluto is so racist.

also, remember that episode of saved by the bell where zach has to remember the 9 planets for that quiz competition, and screech teaches him that retarded mneumonic device? yeah, well they’re going to remaster that episode because it’s just plain wrong now. kind of like how they erased the twin towers from movies after 9/11

maxim vs stuff

so i’m looking at job postings, and there’s this opening for online editor at “dennis digital.” as the online version of dennis publishing, it manages the site of the parent company’s magazines. these magazines include stuff and maxim.

now i always thought these two magazines were practically the same and were competitors. what separate markets are these two going for, exactly? can someone, someone who carefully reads maxim and stuff, tell me how they are different from each other to justify one company owning both? as far as i can tell, they both cover sports, sex, videogames, a small section of pop culture (re: family guy) and scantily clad women.

also, wouldn’t it be kind of funny if i worked for them?